Letter to a widow

i don't know how to write this letter/ but i feel i have to/ we talked about lungs/ he and i/ the way other people talk about the weather/ or the news/

he said he was gonna get better/ i plugged my ears with my stethoscope

i wanted to believe but/i hid statistics in my white pockets

and so/ on the last day/ i smiled and said i'd cross my fingers/ (i must've uncrossed them in my sleep)/
i waited/ for a phone call/ it never came/ he waited/ for a breath/ it never came